So the last few days have been pretty rough. I am not sure that I did ovulate after all. So I am sitting here in limbo again. My opk's started to get darker again (forgot to take one this am...dang it!), and also started having more ovulation pain (for sure in ovaries, on both sides) and also had an increase in cm all of a sudden. So I have no idea what is going on...I guess we will just have to wait and see in the next week what my temps do. I wish I just had insurance so that I could go and get monitored, or I wish even more that I just ovulated every month on my own so I don't have to go through all of this pain and emotional roller coaster.
I just want to know why me? Why am I the one who has to go through this, why my girls on my board? What have we done that is so bad that we are forced to go through this heart ache and pain? Why not the drug addicted fools who use drugs through their whole pregnancy and have no desire to have a child....WHY?!
I am so thankful for who and what I have in my life. My hubby knew that I had a rough day on sweetest day and also pregnancy loss day, so he brought me home a dozen roses in my favorite color (pink!). They are gorgeous and he always knows what to do to help me through these rough times. Without him by my side I could not do this. Also on the remembrance day my sister posted on my FB wall that she was thinking about me and sending me lots of hugs across country. It means more to me than she will ever know. To have my families support is the only thing I have ever wanted. For them to recognize that I AM actually going through the emotional roller coaster of emotions caused by infertility...and it SUCKS! Now if I could just get other family members on board without the added "fake-ness" and just true support it would make this journey a lot easier.
In the end I know that God whom I call my higher power does have a plan for me. I don't understand why he has chosen this long hard path of infertility for me, but I know it will all work out in the end and I need to have faith that God will not let me down.
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