CD 5

Last night was my second dosing of the Femara. I was doing ok all day long with the exception of a few s/e's which were mild joint pain, mild headache, again still nothing major and some of this could even be chalked up to the nasty weather changes we have had. I went out and did some shopping and picked up hubbies replacement ring from Helzbergs's, along with a few other places, then waited for him to get out of work so we could grab some dinner. We went to Applebee's for dinner (we always try to do one thing every couple of weeks or so). I was still feeling ok until we went to bed. Then I got extremely nauseousness and ended up getting sick. I was very worried that I did not absorb the pills, but I called the pharmacy and they said they are "rapidly absorbed" so that was a relief since I had taken them almost 4 hours prior. I knew getting sick had nothing to do my meds since my husband was sick as well but dang it! LOL Once I got sick I went back to bed and felt 100% better. Today I still feel fine today so I am really happy about that :) Very excited to see how Femara works for me :) Hope everyone is doing well! 

CD 4

Last night was the first time I have ever taken Femara. I was a little uneasy and a little nervous, but I always get like that starting any new type of medication (even OTC natural herbs LOL). I didn't really have an s/e from the Femara other than it raised my temperature a little bit, which gave me VERY mild hot flashes, other than that nothing really. I slept really well last night too, but I can't say for sure whether that was the Femara or if it was just because I was really tired (LOL). Nothing else really to report yet :) 

A New cycle!

So today is CD3 of my cycle and the big day that I get to start Femara. I am very excited, but also very nervous. Always nervous to start something new, but I REALLY hope this is it for us! This cycle is obviously unmonitored (meaning that I will be POAS from about CD 10 until I get a +opk...oh the obsession starts again LOL) as we do not currently have health insurance yet. I will let you know if there are any s/e to this new med. I hope not but you never know, since it is going to change my hormones! I have read great reviews on it and 99% of the ladies say that they never had any s/e (so that is promising!). I will keep you all posted!

Thanks again for all your support! Means the world!

A Special Thanks

I just wanted to give all my supporters and people who encourage me to continue a HUGE Thank you. I have met some WONDERFUL ladies on a site called Soul Cysters and I have become such great friends with so many of the wonderful ladies on there, who truly understand what I am going through since they have the exact same condition (but obviously it may not effect us the same). Also special Thanks to all my outside friends and family who have been there through everything thus far. Without you special people in my life I do not know where I would be. I love all of you and Thank you.  

A Fast Forward To Now

I met my husband in Dec 2008, through an old customer of mine (which also happens to be his cousin). I was leaving a terrible relationship, and he was staying with his cousin's mom. We met up for the first time after my friend Angela and I were done working. He was kind of quite and shy, but definitely trying to impress me, right from the beginning (LOL). From Dec until Jan we didn't really have any contact, until we all met up again sometime in January. Again he was still quite and a little shy but trying even harder this time to impress me. I was surely flattered, it felt so good to be "wanted" again. After that again we did not have any contact until I locked myself out of my house that day, I called his cousin to see if he could come and pick me up to take me to my ex's work so that I could get the other house key. He said "I don't really feel like it but do you want me to ask my cousin" I was nervous but willingly accept the offer since I had no way to drive my car, or get back into my house! Every since that day it's been history. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, but like any other couple we have made it through them.

We have had some very mixed emotions on our relationship, but I will spare the family drama as that is not what this blog was intended for. All that matters is that my husband and I are happy which we are.

We ended up getting married on our 1 1/2 yr anniversary of dating. After a gorgeous wedding (everything was perfect) and a very eventful reception, we celebrated our honeymoon in Las Vegas. We stayed at the New York New York Hotel & Casino in a Jacuzzi suite, it was gorgeous and Las Vegas is an amazingly beautiful city (especially at night). We still couldn't really fully "enjoy" ourselves on our honeymoon since we both had a nasty stomach bug, so we ended up going back for our one anniversary. This time we stayed in the middle of the strip at Harrah's Hotel and casino in a strip view room...Talk about breath taking views!!!! Since we were center strip we could see the Mirage hotel right across from us and see the volcano right from our room!

We originally started "really" trying to conceive on our wedding night. Obviously I knew it wasn't going to happen since I was not ovulating...Wishful thinking I know! So since then we have tried a variety of natural remedies, like losing weight (lost over 30lbs and kept it off so far) and still no return of normal cycles, natural remedies (like FertilAid and Soy Isoflavones) and still not working. I stopped the FertilAid after a month on it since I got discouraged way too easily. I was hoping it would be my "magical combination" although I knew that it could take up to 6 months to start working properly. So then I decided to start taking Soy Isoflavones, after reading all the good bad and ugly information I possibly could on the internet. Well not only did it make me a bear to deal with it also didn't work! After three cycles of it I was done with it for good. So here we are and I finally broke down and ordered Femara from an online pharmacy and I am looking forward to starting that this cycle! I really hope and pray that this is our miracle ticket! I will keep you updated on the side effects and all that other good jazz.

My Response 2 Hurtful Comments (About IF & m/c)

These are some of the comments that have been said to me personally about infertility and things that have been said to me after experiencing a loss. I will keep peoples names out of this as I am not trying to call anyone out, just trying to make it known that these comments really do hurt!


About My Miscarriage-


It just wasn't meant to be-  Really? It wasn't meant to be, I think I have already figured that much out for myself, as I do believe in God myself, but Thank you for reminding me though. 


Everything happens for a reason- Like I didn't know that. Thank you for the most "generic" response in the world. The same reason I am ready to slap you! 


Just let it go/you need to get over it- Thank you captain obvious for stating the obvious. I AM "over" my daughter's death, but I will NEVER forget it. Just because I never got to meet my daughter in real life does NOT mean that I did not love her. Imagine losing your child and tell me you would just "get over it". Everyone grieves differently. I do NOT tell you how to grieve, so please do NOT tell me how to grieve. 


You weren't ready to be a mother anyways- Excuse me who the hell are you to tell me whether I am ready to be a mother or not?! I would NEVER tell someone who JUST lost a child. 


At least you won't be linked to her piece of crap father for the rest of your life- I am so glad that they only thing you seem to be worried about is who her father was! 


Well your daughter is in a better place- While that may be true, I don't think that is an appropriate response to my loss and was pretty heartless. 


The one that takes the cake:


You're better off because your daughter would have had "problems"- EXCUSE ME! Who in the EFF do you think you are?! I don't care what you think, that was MY daughter. HOW DARE you tell me that I am better off without my daughter!!! How do you know that?! No matter what that was MY daughter!!!! Just because she would of had disabilities does NOT make her any less of my daughter are you kidding me?!   




About Trying To Conceive-


Are you really infertile- First of all why in the hell would I lie about being infertile?! They compare the pain of infertility just beneath CANCER (YES you read that right CANCER). If you have been trying to conceive for 12 months or more without pregnancy that IS infertility. Also the last time that I checked you needed to ovulate TO get pregnant (and that is one thing that I lack).


Relax and it will happen- We all probably know a couple or two who was infertile and they "just relaxed" and got pregnant. If I "just relaxed" it would NEVER happen PERIOD. Again you HAVE to ovulate to get pregnant, and relaxing is NOT going to change that at all. 


You got pregnant before it will happen again- REALLY?! Can you see into the future and tell me 100% that you know for sure it will happen? I didn't think so. Just because there are several meds out there to help you get pregnant does NOT confirm that I will become pregnant again!


When you have a baby your PCOS will be cured- Since when did you become a Dr.?! Last time I checked there is NO cure for PCOS! Just because I MAY be able to have a baby with some meds does NOT mean in ANY way shape or form that I am "cured". PCOS is a METABOLIC syndrome and at this current time there are no "cures", but it CAN be treated. 


Just take some fertility meds- Wow really...you don't think I have already tried some of that?! I wouldn't be posting about infertility if I have not been struggling for over a year and already tried some meds?! Do you understand how these meds make me feel?! Didn't think so. 


It can't be that bad/it could be worse- REALLY?! Can you tell me what possibly could be worse then not feeling like a woman, and not being able to hold a precious baby of your own in your arms....not that bad, meds here and there, constant mood swings on the meds, peeing on sticks to try and track ovulation, tracking our basal body temperatures, and the ultimate heartbreak we face EVERY single month peeing on that last stick (pregnancy test), which turns out negative and seeing nothing more than the control line, before having to take some more awful meds (which create's more mood swings) to induce a "fake period", and the whole process starts over again. 


You should be happy you don't have a normal period. I would love it.- Hmm last time I knew you had to have a cycle (ovulation) to get pregnant. So no normal period means no ovulation, making it virtually impossible to conceive, but thanks for thinking of yourself! 


Lose weight and you will fall pregnant- Again I didn't know that you were a Dr. Losing weight MAY help me, but it hasn't thus far. Losing weight is NOT an answer to everyone's infertility struggle, as there are MANY "thin" cysters out there struggling with infertility as well. 


The one that takes the cake-


Why don't you just adopt- Well first off adopting is NOT as easy as you may think. Second I would do ANYTHING to have my own child. You HAVE your own child(ren) PLEASE do not tell me to "just adopt". This was by far one of the most hurtful comments I have faced thus far. We have not been trying to conceive for a super long time and I REFUSE to give up that easily. Domestic adoption costs around $15,000....would you like to pay for it for me? Adoption also is JUST (if not more) heart wrenching then trying to conceive with infertility. IF we decide to give up and go that route THEN you can "push us to adopt" but that is IF and when. PERIOD!


Anyone who is still reading this and either is or is not TTC/has infertility PLEASE think before you speak. Words are like stones and once they are thrown they can NOT be taken back!!

A painful loss

This post is about the loss of my daughter. This is a pain that I have suffered that I can not compare to anything.
I found out I was pregnant at 6wk3d +/-3d on Januaray 21st 2008, I was through the roof....then all too soon things came crashing down right when I thought I was to a "safer point" in my pregnancy. As I entered into my 11wk of pregnancy I could see a light at the end of the tunnel...I was quickly approaching 12wks which is a huge milestone!

Feb 26th 2008 my life was changed forever, my worst nightmare came true. I was 11wk3d pregnant. I was working when I started to have severe cramping and mild spotting, so I called my bf at the time and we decided we need to rush to the emergency room to see if there was anything wrong, or anything we could do. When we get there I am rushed back into a room so they could take blood work and do an u/s, by this time everything was getting worse and I knew that the outcome was grim. The u/s tech's came into my room with a portable u/s machine and started doing a t/v u/s. The one tech you could tell was new because she kept asking lots of questions to the other tech. One in particular caught my attention and that was "how long do babies live in the yolk sac", I REALLY knew something was wrong at this point. As the clock ticked I became more and more anxious. Finally the doctor came in around 2 hours after the u/s. He looked at us and said "I'm sorry" (with a long pause) "Your baby no longer has a heart beat", walked out of the room, and shut the door behind him. Nothing else! I wanted answers, and I wanted them NOW!

As the tears began to swell in my eyes I could no longer contain myself and broke down. A million and one things began to run through my head. How could this happen to me?! What did I do wrong? Did I not quit smoking soon enough? Was it that my Dr took me off my metformin? Was it because I accidently drank alcohol on New Years Eve (at 3wks preg)? The list goes on.

Finally an HOUR after they told me that (I just wanted to leave) the Dr came back in and said I am trying to get in contact with your OB so that you can get an appt. and they can go over your options. I said please hurry up I want to leave. Another 15minutes passed and they said they were finally able to get ahold of my OB and that my appointment was scheduled for Feb 28th 2008 at 9am.

The next day I ended up going back to another hospital because I was in so much pain that I physically could not take it. I get there, sit in the waiting room for over FOUR hours, knowing that I was having a m/c (it took 2 people CALLING the ER dept's bosses to get me back to a room). I get back there and they wanted to do yet another exam. I said "look I JUST had all of this yesterday and you can do and u/s but you are NOT doing another exam". Long story short they ended saying that I wasn't even "fully m/c-ing yet" I was FLOORED. How in the world can I be in so much pain and this hasn't even fully started? How is that possible? Then end up sending me home with "bed rest" and percocet (a VERY strong pain killer).

Feb 28th rolls around, and as I patiently wait in the waiting room at my OB's office I see all these pregnant bellies in the waiting room. I ended up "hiding in a corner" until my name was called, because I couldn't imagine someone seeing my face the way it was. They call me back right on time to do another u/s and "hope the other ER missed the heart beat". The nurse was amazing she explained everything to me before hand and hoped for the best. As she started the u/s I could feel my heart sink....I was closely watching the monitor in front of me hoping to see something....the tech said "hunnie I am so sorry this is where your babies heartbeat should be", then continued on saying "these are her little arms and legs etc". At this point I was numb. The u/s tech took me straight back to a room to wait for the Dr to come in and talk to us. The on call doctor was the one who was seeing me (ultimately I ended up switching to her because she was so amazing!), I was a little nervous at first seeing a new doctor and not knowing what to expect, but she ended up being AMAZING. She talked about her personal m/c and let me know that she was "truly sorry" and knew what I was feeling. She thoroughly explained all of my options, which were wait to m/c naturally, or have an emergency D&C. She also explained that the D&C was our best option since there was a lot of swelling around the baby and it might be able to get some "answers" as to what happened, since the baby had died at 8wks. She left the room and let us decide (she gave us about 15mins to discuss it). She came back in the room and we told her that we had decided to go ahead and get the D&C. I was immediately rushed from my OB's office across the sky way in a wheelchair to the hospital to outpatient surgery. By this point I was still numb. I registered at the desk and patiently waited. Only about 15minutes went by and a nurse called my name, I felt another little piece of me fade away. The nurse wheeled me into my outpatient room and helped me get into my gown, she said it will be a little bit before they come and get you. Well about 30mins. went by and they were up there ready to get me. I was wheeled down to pre-op and was prepared for surgery. As the anesthesiologist came near me I suddenly was no longer "numb" and the emotional pain really started to set in. He explained everything (which I have had a surgery before so this was nothing new), but I always seem to get scared before I go under. As he approached me I started crying uncontrollably, my OB was right there with me through the ENTIRE process (once I got into the pre-op room and essentially why I switched to her), she held my hand and promised me that I would ok and she would take care of me. Roughly an hour later I was being woke up in the OR and screamed out in pain (I woke up in excruciating pain)...I ended up being re-sedated long enough to get me pumped full of pain meds. I ended up waking back up in the recovery room still in a TON of pain. By the time I left the recovery room they gave me 4 shots of toradol and 4 shots of dilaudid. I got back up to my room, they discharged me and I was on my way home.

The emotional pain had barely begun. My mother had come over to help me around the house and take care of some things for me so that I could rest. I laid on the couch but could not rest all I could do was cry. As the days past it seemed to get a tad easier each day. I had my surgery on a Thursday and was back to work on a Saturday. The comments and "condolences" I received was much more than I could have ever imagined. Some were very appreciated, and some I would have appreciated they kept to themselves (I will include that in another part of the blog).

Finally 3 weeks had passed and I got a phone call from my OB's office while working, they told me they had the results from the D&C. They told me that my baby had something called Turner Syndrome. I asked her first what that was and she said she honestly didn't know other than it was a chromosomal error, and there was nothing I could have done to save my baby, which was a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders, even though it still hurt extremely bad. I then asked the sex of my baby and she told me it was a baby girl. Turner Syndrome is a very rare chromosomal error. They do not know what causes it, and it only happens in baby girls.

The hospital had sent me home with a ton of paper work on m/c and even a little book on it, which all seemed to help. A family member sent me a book which was the most helpful of all things I was given. The book was called "Empty Arms" By: Pam Vredevelt, it was written to help people who have suffered still birth, tubal pregnancies, and miscarriages.

As the days go on the pain gets better, but it is something that I will never forget and I don't think the pain will ever completely go away. I still light a candle and shed some tears on the day that I had my surgery when my baby was really "gone" and also the day that she was due which is September 14th.

This part of the blog is dedicated to my baby girl Madyson Lee....My sweet angel who grew wings and flew to our savior sooner than mommy ever could have imagined. I will never forget you baby girl!

My story

I was originally diagnosed in 2005 after going to the gynecologist. He took one look at me, asked me a few questions and said to me "I am 99% sure you have PCOS". I said "PCO-WHAT?!". The doctor then explained that I had several of the "classic symptoms" of this condition, hirsutism (meaning excess facial and body hair), central trunk obesity (mostly lower abdomen, hips and thighs), and absent menstrual cycles. All he said he needed to confirm the diagnosis was a few blood samples and an ultrasound to see if I had the "strings of pearls (small cysts) on my ovaries. Needless to say at the age of 18 I was a little set back from this and left the office in tears. It took me a very long time to come to terms with this diagnosis. I was later put on Metformin which is for insulin resistance and is supposed to help control some of the symptoms of PCOS (even though it has never helped me).

After being diagnosed in 2005 and several failed clomid (fertility drug) "challenges" (meaning my gyno put me on clomid for 6 months in a row to try and get my body to jump start and kick it back into ovulating on my own, which never happened), I finally ovulated on my own a couple months in a row WAY after stopping the clomid (roughly 6months later), which was a first for me. I didn't even think pregnancy was an option for me since even on clomid I never was able to regulate my body. November 28th 2008 was the first day of my last cycle, December had come and gone with no cycle and I just chalked it up to PCOS had screwed my body up again. January 20th 2008 came around and while I was working I noticed that I was having some weird cramping and I had extremely tender breasts, mentioned it to a co-worker and she said "are you pregnant"?! My immediate response was "hell no" then the reality of it all sank in and I responded "I honestly have no clue", looking back I did have quite a few pregnancy indicators, absent cycle, aversion to alcohol (I was 21 at the time and it never sunk in that "I" was turning down alcohol) , extremely nauseated by foods I was around all day 8hrs a day for over a year (that never bothered me before), sore breasts etc. So that day I went home and decided to buy some pregnancy tests (I ended up buying a 2 pack of Answer brand tests), took those and as the urine was going across the little result window the test line came up immediately....I didn't believe that test to I tested again 30mins later with minimal urine BAM positive again....oh shit I still don't believe this went to the store and bought TWO MORE tests this time first response....took both of those BAM same thing positive...I was in utter disbelief by this point because there was no way that I was really pregnant. The next day I ended up going into the emergency department because I was having cramping for one and for two I needed to confirm pregnancy and see how far along I was. While I was there they ended up doing a pelvic exam, urinalysis, LOTS of blood work, and ultimately ultrasound to confirm how far along I was. They came back in the room after approx. 3hrs of being there they said "congrats you are for sure pregnant and your baby is measuring 6wk3d +/- 3d. I was through the rough as they handed me a huge 8x10 of the ultrasound. I ran up to my BF's (now ex) work and showed him the u/s, it was a very shocking and happy moment all at the same time for both of us. We ended up calling my parents and letting them know that they were going to be grandparents, as well as calling other family members and telling them...that didn't go too well, and ended up hurting pretty bad, but I didn't care because nothing could take me off my "cloud 9" at that point. I ended up going to work the next day and telling everyone about it, and showing them the u/s, they were all very happy for me. Everything seemed to be going ok from that point on I had a few doctor appointments, more b/w and exams, nothing seemed to be "out of the normal". Fast forward to Feb. 26th 2008 I was now 11wks3d pregnant and I started having some complications (pretty bad cramping and spotting) at work so I called my BF (fiance' at this point, EX now) and told him what was going on, we decided that I needed to leave work immediately to pick him up from work and head into the ER. From that point it was all downhill and that is where my miscarriage story starts.

Types of losses (miscarriages)

One thing I have learned throughout this journey is that there are SEVERAL different types of losses/miscarriages that I was never aware of until I had a loss of my own, which I will explain further in another post.

Threatened Miscarriage: Some degree of early pregnancy uterine bleedingaccompanied by cramping or lower backache. The cervix remains closed. This bleeding is often the result of implantation.

Inevitable or Incomplete Miscarriage: Abdominal or back pain accompanied by bleeding with an open cervix. Miscarriage is inevitable when there is a dilation or effacement of the cervix and/or there is rupture of the membranes. Bleeding and cramps may persist if the miscarriage is not complete.

Complete Miscarriage: A completed miscarriage is when the embryo or products of conception have emptied out of the uterus. Bleeding should subside quickly, as should any pain or cramping. A completed miscarriage can be confirmed by an ultrasound or by having a surgical curettage performed.

Missed Miscarriage: Women can experience a miscarriage without knowing it. A missed miscarriage is when embryonic death has occurred but there is not any expulsion of the embryo. It is not known why this occurs. Signs of this would be a loss of pregnancy symptoms and the absence of fetal heart tones found on an ultrasound.

Recurrent Miscarriage (RM): Defined as 3 or more consecutive first trimester miscarriages. This can affect 1% of couples trying to conceive.

Blighted Ovum: Also called an anembryonic pregnancy. A fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall, but fetal development never begins. Often there is a gestational sac with or without a yolk sac, but there is an absence of fetal growth.

Ectopic Pregnancy: A fertilized egg implants itself in places other than the uterus, most commonly the fallopian tube. Treatment is needed immediately to stop the development of the implanted egg. If not treated rapidly, this could end in serious maternal complications.

Molar Pregnancy: The result of a genetic error during the fertilization process that leads to growth of abnormal tissue within the uterus. Molar pregnancies rarely involve a developing embryo, but often entail the most common symptoms of pregnancy including a missed period, positive pregnancy test and severe nausea.

Also one loss this site does not mention is a chemical pregnancy. Most women do not even know they are pregnant because most times your cycle will start on time, and you got a positive pregnancy test before your period was due. Most chemical pregnancies are caused by some type of chromosomal error, but can also be caused by either too short of a luteal phase, not thick enough lining, low hormones etc. 

Site: 

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html

Trying to conceive "lingo" aka TTC abbreviations

These are some of the many abbreviations you may see in my blog along with any TTC website:

A AAMOF - As A Matter Of Fact ACA - Anti-Cardiolopin Antibodies ADN - Any Day Now AF - Aunt Flo - Menstrual Cycle AH,AZH - Assisted Hatching AHI - At-home Insemination AI - Artificial Insemination AIH - Artificial Insemination from Husband AKA - Also Known As AO - Anovulation AOA,AVA - Anti-ovarian Antibody ART - Assisted Reproductive Technology ATM - At The Moment AWOL - A Woman On Lupron B B4 - Before B4N - Before Now BA - Baby Aspirin BABYDUST - Good wishes vibe for getting pregnant BBL - Be Back Later BBT - Basal Body Temperature BBs - BooBies AKA Breasts B/C - BeCause BC - Birth Control BCP - Birth Control Pills BD - Baby Dance (intercourse) BF - BreastFed, BoyFriend BFN - Big Fat Negative BFP - Big Fat Positive! BIL - Brother inlaw C C# - Cycle Number CB - Cycle Buddy CD - Cycle Day CF - Cervical Fluid CM - Cervical Mucus CP - Cervical Position CNM - CertifiedNurseMidwife D DA - Dear Angel DH - Dear Husband DP - Dear Partner DD - Dear daughter DS - Dear Son DSD - Dear Step-Daughter DSS - Dear Step-Son D&C - Dilation & Curettage D&E - Dilation & Evacuation DPO - Days Post-Ovulation DPC - Days Since Last Clomid pill was taken DPR - Days Post-Retrieval DPT - Days Post-Transfer Dx - Diagnosis E E2 - Estradiol EB,EMB - Endometrial Biopsy EDD - Estimated Due Date ENDO - Endometriosis EG - Evil Grin EOD - End Of Discussion EPO - Evening Primrose Oil EPT - Early Pregnancy Test ESP - ESPecially ET - Embryo Transfer EW,EWCM - Eggwhite Cervical Mucus F FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer FHR - Fetal Heart Rate FIL - Father in law FP - Follicular Phase FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormone FBOW - For Better Or Worse FTTA - Fertile Thoughts To All FUR - False Unicorn Root FV - Fertile Vibes FYA - For Your Amusement FYI - For Your Information G G - Grin GAFIA - Get Away From It All GAL- Get A Life GFY - Good For You GG- Gotta Go GIFT - Gamete Intra-fallopianTransfer GMTA - Great Minds Think Alike GnRH - Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone GP - General Practitioner H HAGD - Have A Great Day HAND - Have A Nice Day hCG,HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotropin hMG,HMG - Human Menopausal Gonadotropin HPT - Home Pregnancy Test HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy HSC - Hysteroscopy HSG - Hysterosalpingogram HTH - Hope That Helps HUTH - Hang Up The Horns I IAC - In Any Case IAE - In Any Event ICI - Intra-cervical Insemination ICSI - Intra-cytoplasmic Sperm Injection ICBW - I Could Be Wrong IDTT - I'll Drink To That IIRC - If I Recall Correctly IM - Instant Message (Instant Messaging) IF - Infertility IMAO - In My Arrogant Opinion IMBO - In My Biased Opinion IMCO - In My Considered Opinion IME - In My Experience IMHO - In My Honest/Humble Opinion IMNSHO - In My Not So Humble Opinion IMO - In My Opinion INPO - In No Particular Order IOW - In Other Words IRL - In Real Life ITI - Intra-tubal Insemination IUI - Intra-uterine Insemination IVF - InVitro Fertilization J JIC - Just In Case J/K - Just Kidding JMO - Just My Opinion JTYWLTK - Just Thought You Would Like To Know K KISS - Keep It Simple Sweetheart (Stupid) KUP - Keep us posted KWIM - Know What I Mean Taken from this site: http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=36

L LAP - Laparoscopy LH - Luteinizing Hormone LMP - Last Menstrual Period (startdate) LMAO - Laughing My Ankles (A**) Off LMBO - Laughing My Butt Off LO - Love Olympics (sex) LOL - Laugh Out Loud LP - Luteal Phase LPD - Luteal Phase Defect LSP - Low Sperm Count LUF,LUFS - Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome M MC,m/c - Miscarriage MF - MaleFactor MIFT - Micro Injection Fallopian Transfer MIL - Mother in law M/S, MS - Morning Sickness N NA (N/A) - Not Applicable, Not Appropriate NAK - Nursing At Keyboard Newbie - New to the Internet or Bulletin Board NFP - Natural Family Planning NIPing - Nursing In Public NMP - Not My Problem NP - No Problem NPI - No Pun Intended NRN - No Reply Necessary NT - No Text O O - Ovulation, Ovulated OB - Obstetrician OB/GYN - Obstetrician/Gynecologist OC - Oral Contraceptives OD - Ovulatory Dysfunction OHT - One-Handed Typing OP - Other Poster/Original Poster OIC - Oh I (C) See OMG - Oh My God OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kit OPT - Ovulation Predictor Test OT - Off Topic OTOH - On The Other Hand OTS - Off The Subject OTC - Over The Counter P PPAF - Post-Pardom Aunt Flo PCO - Polycystic Ovaries PCOD - Polycystic Ovary Disease PCOS - Polycystic Ovary Syndrome PCP - Primary Care Physician PCT - Post Coital Test PG - Pregnant PID - Pelvic Inflammatory Disease PMS - Pre-menstrual Syndrome POAS - Pee on a stick (Home Pregnancy Test) PPL - PeoPLe PTL - Praise The Lord PU - That Stinks R RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist R-FSH - Recombinant Human Follicle Stimulating Hormone RI - Reproductive Immunologist Rx - Prescription S SA - Semen Analysis SAHD - Stay-At-Home Dad SAHM - Stay-At-Home Mom SB - Step-Brother SBT - Sad But True SD - Step-Daughter / Step-Dad SFAIAA - So Far As I Am Aware SF - Step-Father SFMP - Sorry For Multiple Posts SHG - Sonohysterogram SIL - Sister in law SITD - Still In The Dark SM - Step-Mom (Mother) SNS - Supplemental Nursing System SMEP - Sperm Meets Egg Plan SS - Step-Son / Step-Sister SO - Significant Other STD - Sexually Transmitted Disease T TAFT - That's A Frightening Thought TAYL - Talk At You Later TCOYF -Taking Care of Your Fertility TFIC - Tongue Firmly In Cheek THX - Thanks TIA- Thanks In Advance TIC - Tongue In Cheek TIME - Tears In My Eyes TMI - Too Much Information toh - typing one-handed TPTB - The Powers That Be TTC - Trying To Conceive TTFN - Ta-Ta For Now TTYL - Talk To You Later TTYS - Talk To You Soon TWIMC - To Whom It May Concern TWW - Two week wait (also 2WW) TY - Thank You TYVM - Thank You Very Much TR - Tubal Reversal Tx - Treatment U UR - Urologist U/S - Ultrasound UTI - Urinary Tract Infection V V - Vasectomy VR - Vasectomy Reversal W WAHD - Work-At-Home-Dad WAHM - Work-At-Home-Mom WB - Welcome Back WFM - Works For Me WEG - Wicked Evil Grin W/O - WithOut WNL - Within Normal Limits WOHM - Work Out of Home Mom WRT - With Regard To WTG - Way To Go WTH - What The Heck?? WU? - What's Up? WYSIWYG - What You See Is What You Get Z ZIFT - Zygote Intra-fallopian Transfer

Infertility Etiquette

This was given to me from a friend who is also suffering from infertility. It's for friends and family who don't quite understand how to say or what to say to someone who is infertile. 

Infertility Etiquette

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

• They will eventually conceive a baby.
• They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
• They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

This is the website it came from:

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

Common PCOS Myths

Myths:

All people with PCOS are obese/overweight- While it is true that PCOS can cause obesity NOT all cysters are overweight, some are even thin or underweight.

With PCOS I  can never have children- PCOS infertility is the most common form of infertility for women. Although you have infertility it does not mean that you can never have children. Some cysters never have any problems with their cycles at all and do not require further treatment for pregnancy, while others need any where from an oral drug called clomid to something more up to Injectables up to IVF.

I am overweight, that means I must have PCOS- While people with PCOS DO typically become overweight/obese this does NOT automatically mean that you have PCOS.

Menopause or total hysterectomy will cure my PCOS-  There is no known cure for PCOS including menopause and hysterectomy. This is a metabolic syndrome that without proper treatment can cause a whole host of other problems, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, etc.

Birth Control will cure my PCOS- Birth control does nothing more than give you a fake cycle (similar to what progesterone does). Birth control masks the problems (excess hair, missing menstrual cycles, acne) of PCOS, in the long run it can make your insulin resistance worse.

ONLY Overweight people get PCOS- There are many many PCOS patients who are thin. Being overweight/obese is only a symptom of PCOS.

I don't have any cysts on my ovaries therefore I don't have PCOS- Again this is another symptom of PCOS. Not every woman who has PCOS has cysts on their ovaries.

I have a regular period so that means I am ovulating- Having your period every month does not guarantee that you are ovulating. All it means is that your estrogen and progesterone are rising and lowering when they are supposed to, to create a monthly bleed.

This is not a full list of the myths surrounding PCOS but it is a lot of common ones. 

Symptoms Of PCOS

There are a variety of symptoms of PCOS:

Early symptoms:
Acne- Usually on the face, can sometimes be on the chest, back etc.
Amenorrhea/Oligomenorrhoea- No menses/minimal menses per year
Anovulation- Lack of Ovulation
Menorrhagia- Heavy Menstrual bleeding  
Hirsutism- Excess body hair (usually found on the face, stomach, back, chest, fingers, toes)
Alopecia- Also called male pattern baldness. Thinning or loss of hair on the top of the head
Oily Skin and hair
Depression and/or Mood swings

Gradual symptoms:
Obesity- Usually around the hips and lower abdomen
Sleep Apnea- Generally caused from insulin resistance and obesity
Infertility- Infertility is defined by trying to conceive for a year or more without pregnancy (usually linked to lack of Ovulation)
Miscarriage- Linked to high LH levels and low progesterone levels
High Blood pressure- More commonly found in overweight PCOS patients
Heart Disease/Heart Attacks- Linked to High Cholesterol
Type 2 Diabetes- Untreated or not treated soon enough insulin resistance

THIS BY NO MEANS IS MEANT TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT OR TELL SOMEONE WHAT TO DO. I AM NOT IN ANY WAY A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. THIS BLOG IS ONLY MEANT TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND PCOS FROM ONE CYSTER TO ANOTHER CYSTER. 

What is PCOS and how is it diagnosed

So you ask what is PCOS:

Well first off PCOS stands for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. It is most commonly referred to as a syndrome (vs. disease) since PCOS can and does effect every woman different.
PCOS is an endocrine disorder that effects 5-10% of all females. It normally effects woman from the ages of 12-45. It is thought to be one of the most leading causes of female infertility. PCOS effects all females in different ways. It can effect woman's appearance, menstrual cycles, physical look, insulin production amongst a whole other host of problems.
If you think you possibly have PCOS I highly suggest getting into the DR as soon as possible to get started to try and minimize the symptoms as much as possible. 

How is it Diagnosed:

PCOS can be diagnosed several different ways and most commonly doctors use a variety of these methods or all of these methods to properly diagnose patients.

1. Trans-vaginal ultra sound/external ultra sound- Ultra sounds are used to locate cysts on the ovaries as well as determine the overall size of the ovaries (which tend to be larger in PCOS patients). With PCOS you will typically have 10-15 fluid filled sacks (cysts) on the outside of the ovaries.

2. With Blood work- There are a few different ways to help diagnose PCOS via blood work
FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone)/LH (Luteinizing hormone)- In PCOS is usually a 3:1 ratio
DHEA (Dehydroepiandrosterone)/Testosterone- These are two types of androgens, also called male hormones. These are typically elevated in PCOS patients.
Thyroid Function- This test is used to rule out thyroid irregularity for irregular menses.
Cholesterol- It is important to keep an eye on cholesterol since it is very common that patients with PCOS have high cholesterol which also leads to heart disease among a whole other host of problems.
Glucose Tolerance Test- This test is one of the most important tests that need to be done as it is very common that PCOS patients have impaired glucose levels and can not process glucose properly.

Why I decided to blog

Hello everyone!
I decided to start a blog because I am hoping to help someone along the way, either by letting you know that you are not alone in the ttc journey, or to let you know that having PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) doesn't have to run your life!
I have been through many trying times where I have just wanted to give up and throw in the towel, but I am still here trying to conceive.
I am just starting this up so give me a little time and I should be going at it "full force" :). In the mean time if you have any questions or comments please feel free to ask/post :).