These are some of the comments that have been said to me personally about infertility and things that have been said to me after experiencing a loss. I will keep peoples names out of this as I am not trying to call anyone out, just trying to make it known that these comments really do hurt!
About My Miscarriage-
It just wasn't meant to be- Really? It wasn't meant to be, I think I have already figured that much out for myself, as I do believe in God myself, but Thank you for reminding me though.
Everything happens for a reason- Like I didn't know that. Thank you for the most "generic" response in the world. The same reason I am ready to slap you!
Just let it go/you need to get over it- Thank you captain obvious for stating the obvious. I AM "over" my daughter's death, but I will NEVER forget it. Just because I never got to meet my daughter in real life does NOT mean that I did not love her. Imagine losing your child and tell me you would just "get over it". Everyone grieves differently. I do NOT tell you how to grieve, so please do NOT tell me how to grieve.
You weren't ready to be a mother anyways- Excuse me who the hell are you to tell me whether I am ready to be a mother or not?! I would NEVER tell someone who JUST lost a child.
At least you won't be linked to her piece of crap father for the rest of your life- I am so glad that they only thing you seem to be worried about is who her father was!
Well your daughter is in a better place- While that may be true, I don't think that is an appropriate response to my loss and was pretty heartless.
The one that takes the cake:
You're better off because your daughter would have had "problems"- EXCUSE ME! Who in the EFF do you think you are?! I don't care what you think, that was MY daughter. HOW DARE you tell me that I am better off without my daughter!!! How do you know that?! No matter what that was MY daughter!!!! Just because she would of had disabilities does NOT make her any less of my daughter are you kidding me?!
About Trying To Conceive-
Are you really infertile- First of all why in the hell would I lie about being infertile?! They compare the pain of infertility just beneath CANCER (YES you read that right CANCER). If you have been trying to conceive for 12 months or more without pregnancy that IS infertility. Also the last time that I checked you needed to ovulate TO get pregnant (and that is one thing that I lack).
Relax and it will happen- We all probably know a couple or two who was infertile and they "just relaxed" and got pregnant. If I "just relaxed" it would NEVER happen PERIOD. Again you HAVE to ovulate to get pregnant, and relaxing is NOT going to change that at all.
You got pregnant before it will happen again- REALLY?! Can you see into the future and tell me 100% that you know for sure it will happen? I didn't think so. Just because there are several meds out there to help you get pregnant does NOT confirm that I will become pregnant again!
When you have a baby your PCOS will be cured- Since when did you become a Dr.?! Last time I checked there is NO cure for PCOS! Just because I MAY be able to have a baby with some meds does NOT mean in ANY way shape or form that I am "cured". PCOS is a METABOLIC syndrome and at this current time there are no "cures", but it CAN be treated.
Just take some fertility meds- Wow really...you don't think I have already tried some of that?! I wouldn't be posting about infertility if I have not been struggling for over a year and already tried some meds?! Do you understand how these meds make me feel?! Didn't think so.
It can't be that bad/it could be worse- REALLY?! Can you tell me what possibly could be worse then not feeling like a woman, and not being able to hold a precious baby of your own in your arms....not that bad, meds here and there, constant mood swings on the meds, peeing on sticks to try and track ovulation, tracking our basal body temperatures, and the ultimate heartbreak we face EVERY single month peeing on that last stick (pregnancy test), which turns out negative and seeing nothing more than the control line, before having to take some more awful meds (which create's more mood swings) to induce a "fake period", and the whole process starts over again.
You should be happy you don't have a normal period. I would love it.- Hmm last time I knew you had to have a cycle (ovulation) to get pregnant. So no normal period means no ovulation, making it virtually impossible to conceive, but thanks for thinking of yourself!
Lose weight and you will fall pregnant- Again I didn't know that you were a Dr. Losing weight MAY help me, but it hasn't thus far. Losing weight is NOT an answer to everyone's infertility struggle, as there are MANY "thin" cysters out there struggling with infertility as well.
The one that takes the cake-
Why don't you just adopt- Well first off adopting is NOT as easy as you may think. Second I would do ANYTHING to have my own child. You HAVE your own child(ren) PLEASE do not tell me to "just adopt". This was by far one of the most hurtful comments I have faced thus far. We have not been trying to conceive for a super long time and I REFUSE to give up that easily. Domestic adoption costs around $15,000....would you like to pay for it for me? Adoption also is JUST (if not more) heart wrenching then trying to conceive with infertility. IF we decide to give up and go that route THEN you can "push us to adopt" but that is IF and when. PERIOD!
Anyone who is still reading this and either is or is not TTC/has infertility PLEASE think before you speak. Words are like stones and once they are thrown they can NOT be taken back!!
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